Catfishing

Beware of the fake accounts out there my single (or open) friends! One of my favorite Tinder adventures was to catch a Catfish and trust me I have on more than one occasion.

Anonymity IS completely attainable even in such a connected world. Mostly because they typically prey on naive and gullible folks…

Further explanation will be provided to shed light on the world of humans playing pretend. Whether through imaginary information or finding a sexy (yet believable) photo on a social media profile, there are ways to spot a Catfish.

(*Bonus* Other Types of Fish at the Bottom!)

Going Fishing- The Warnings

1. Only One or Two Photos- If you don’t have a good head shot, a gym selfie or something other than an extreme sports photo, you might be in trouble. I’ve only had ONE occasion where the hottie with two pics actually 100% looked like them. ONE out of … like a few…

2. They Sound “Too Good To Be True”- Sadly the world is full of people who only wish their lives were better than actually making it so. I was referred to as a “Tinder Unicorn” which basically means I have a career, looked like my pictures and actually was honest about who I was. No one believed me until we met, but then again I omitted my alcohol dependence…

3. Not Willing to Add You To Social Media- Snapchat and Video Chat are the ultimate tools to comb through the losers of life. Come on, I don’t care what excuse they give you… they either have a shit flip phone or lying. You can’t show me you within a few minutes? Who are you?

4. Not Willing to Meet- No money? No car? No time? Lol okay…

What’s The Point?

1. Cheating- Finding an appropriate suiter to have an affair with isn’t easy during typical life circumstances. With online, if the whole situation isn’t sketchy enough already, it’s important for the person to have a discrete profile. They can do or say whatever they want and especially get away with it in bigger centres.

2. Low Self-Esteem- Someone is struggling to find a partner and creating a “Wanna Be Identity” can be totally within their boundaries. Loneliness is a bitch, not that it makes the situation any less creepy, but it can lead to people doing weird shit.

3. Bored AF- Some people literally just have nothing better to than to troll online. My favorite profiles are ones where people pretend they are something edible. Glass of Water Guy was one of the best… I asked if he was looking for thirsty bitches and he responded “Just seemed like you could use a tall glass of water”… his pictures were literally cups. I also enjoyed the dude whose pictures were just pizza, we didn’t match though. No mutual love.

4. Money- Dude, you’ve fallen in love with a computerized version of a con artist. Unless you have zero worries on cash, don’t be an idiot. You think I’m joking?? I know completely competent people who’ve done this shit.

5. Murder- Pretty self-explanatory, but yeah… My family and friends were convinced this was my fate to be honest… predators are out there so play safe.

Obviously I’m going to tell you to trust your gut… if you’re like me and ignore it… talk to a trusted friend! Most people online are not a good match for you or just looking to fuck anyways, so don’t take it personally. Just use the tips above and at the very least know what their actual appearance is!

As with all adventures stay safe and have fun!

*Bonus*

Hatfish- Dudes wearing hats in ALL pictures or posting old pictures when they weren’t bald. My boyfriend think he fooled me, but I knew. 😉

Fatfish- I do not care about your size, but I sure will if you are 100lbs larger than your pictures. #FreakyDeception… Angles and filters are pretty magical, but shit gets weird when you meet in person. Own your body!

Cat-Fish- I’m a crazy cat lady. My profile legit had a picture of me looking at my cat lovingly. Guys with cats in their profile?? Not their cat. It’s their crazy aunts cat being used to get pussy. Usually it is actually their dog though…

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