Good Morning Text

In this technology driven world, what is an easier way to tell your beau “I’m thinking about you” than a text first thing when you get up? I mean, sending a message when they are beside you would be bizarre, but otherwise, it’s sweet.

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? I touch my phone, not in a creepy way, but I turn off the alarm and check the notifications I missed during my sleep. If I am into someone, I typically fire off a couple of words or an emoji.

It takes literally 3 to 10 seconds to send something, dependent on your typing speed, but doesn’t that put some things into perspective? No one is ever too busy to touch base even in the middle of the morning rush.

I learned something this recent fall regarding my desire for a morning message. Working multiple night shifts and having conflicting schedules, I thought I would express to the guy I was seeing this simple act of endearment. His response, “I think we text and talk enough.” Ummm… clearly he was lacking in more than one level of communication, but regardless, I recognized I need someone to WANT to message me first thing. Even better, do it out of routine and just random desire.

I swear I’m not being petty. It’s just one of the many pieces that help satisfy my love language and I appreciate the gesture because then I know that person has me on their mind. Can anyone else relate to this?

I completely recognize that some people feel it is creepy and stifling. I can relate when someone I’ve asked to leave me alone continues to shoot me a “Morning, beautiful.” (Please leave them alone if you are doing this, Breadcrumber…) Here is the thing though, maybe you aren’t vibing the person if you aren’t digging their frequent texting. When I look forward to hearing from a man, I know I’m smitten.

At the end of the day, find your right messaging match. Anything can be too much or too little for one person or another. Communicating your needs is important, but maybe you will luck out and find the balance without saying a thing… other than “Good Morning, Babe.”

As always, stay safe and have fun!

“Vacationships”

I’m a little drunk on a plane writing this, so bare with me. I’m happy to say that I survived yet another lovely Cuba vacation and hopeful for future visits. I love the vibes, culture and drinks… for those who have been before, the food, not so much.

You’re a smart individual, I’m sure, so you’ve figured out by now what a “Vacationship” would be… A relationship on vacation. It’s what you would consider an obvious hook up in a foreign place, BUT I’m here to talk about the other factors. Let’s dive into the infinity pool, shall we?

Where do they live? Do you only get along because there were not many options? Do you ever speak to them again? Do they have a complicated relationship back home? Do you follow them on social media forever until you both die? (I assume no one actually ever deactivates the deceased accounts…)

Did I get into a couple situations on this recent trip… wouldn’t you love to know? Here is the reality though… you are on vacation, you are VERY different than your regular life. Typically people don’t get drunk every day in a socially acceptable space, that’s alcoholism. On vacation? Hmmm…

A major consideration would be, what are the intentions? I believe anyone can find love anywhere… why else would there be so many getting green cards for Canada? (Cough) Maybe you physically connected because your friend was rockin’ vibes with his/her friend. Maybe people went on vacation to just get in a lay or two.

Another Big factor includes how closely you live to a person. Did you fall so crazy for a this babe that you are willing to commute, try the long distance thing or eventually move? Mmmmm… probably not.

Okay, though, you’ve exchanged info. Maybe you are in a foreign enough area that you don’t have cell plan coverage… how many 85 cent texts are your willing to send? I had an interesting conversation with a lovely man from Berlin who asked… “If you have no intention to be with this man, why would you message him other than to say ‘Have a great life’?” Great point, bro! I would divulge more, but too many mimosas on board during that convo. This isn’t Tinder peeps, you don’t need to talk for weeks and never meet.

Also, if you are rocking an all inclusive, you are unlikely to be leaving at the same time. Do you find a new Vacationship after they leave? Or better yet… do you find a new person if you are bored of the original? I prefer not to flaunt my potential to pick someone new unless I see them going for a new gal, but that’s just my morals.  

Here’s the thing, I don’t intent on connecting with someone again unless they live close or I have an intention to vacation in their home town. Bottom line, the fun was had ON VACATION. Even the most fun and amazing people have their demons and history to fight when they return home.

There is a certain etiquette to keep in mind if you and a single buddy hit the hot beaches:

1. Don’t leave them out of the loop. Not every group of people is going to match the number of your party or vibes. I’ve been in a situation of three guys and two women which left an odd man out when I was younger. He was rationally annoyed.
2. Go to a resort with multiple singles. I can say right now that my friend and I were a couple of the only single women on this past trip… slim pickings for the males, but at least we are babes. Still didn’t get the option to connect with multiple groups of young people (although we definitely made that happen). READ THE REVIEWS.
3. Don’t fuck someone with your friend in the room. Maybe that shit flies in younger years, but at the end of the day, whether intimate or not, no one needs to hear anyone in their 30+ bang.  Maybe a solid sleep/cuddle works out, but always run it by your friend. Remember that they paid what you paid.

I love me a solid fun time with a cute single dude at home or on vacation, but at the end of the day, vacation times are different. There is no accountability or risk to run into them in the future other than at your resort. Even that situation is short lived.

I’ve never hooked up with a gent who lived close to me, so you already can assume communication is minimal other than a random like or two on Instagram (until one of us dies…) Many friends have been made on trips who I adore and still enjoy our messaging, but I’ve never fell in love or attempted to date anyone from a Vacationship.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this longer than normal dating moment from A Page from Paige, but as always, stay safe and have fun!

Dating Burnout

Before you get too far into reading, this isn’t a light and fluffy post. I am experiencing full blown dating burnout. It’s real, raw and exhausting.

Isn’t dating fun?? Don’t you enjoy meeting new people?? To a certain extent YES, but think of it this way…

Every time I allow a new person into my life, I am in a vulnerable position. To not let past relationship pains ruin potential for a partner, I need to trust, be open and willing to embrace their unique experiences/personality.

As realistic and logical as I am coming into any situation, being rejected enough times OR hurting someone else’s feelings takes a mental toll. Even if I know a person is not “the one” there is still a sting when things end. There was hope, but back to being alone.

The biggest frustration and most hurtful piece is someone treating me like a “maybe.” It’s becoming more common and it’s not fair. Below are some examples:

– “I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship, but I’ll talk to her until I figure that out.”

– “I’ll see her only when the time is convenient, no effort though because other priorities might come up.”

– “She’s fun, but I don’t see a future with her. I’ll still spend time with her until I’m done though.”

– “Let’s casually date.” (What the fuck does that even mean?)

– “I’ll fuck her, but if she inconveniences me then I’ll have an excuses to bail.”

I am in no emotional headspace to tolerate stress induced by a person making me feel anything less than I am. I am loving, attentive, interested in doing things with a partner and successful in many avenues.

I am NOT difficult to date and know where my flaws lie. Sometimes I get drunk and I want to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk… you get the point.

I do not deserve to be yelled at. I do not deserve to be berated or ignored for being human and having valid emotions. I don’t deserve to have my time wasted or be disrespected through ghosting. Used and then trashed. The modern acceptable dating behaviours are seriously taking a negative toll on my self esteem and self worth.

Maybe my line of work and extensive dating experience have given me a higher tolerance for other people’s BS. I take far more than I ever should and of course I am the one who suffers or doesn’t get my needs met.

So friends, I am burnt out. My mood has been deteriorating although my life is overall good. I recognize all of the positives I have, but between dating and compassion burn out, I need to consider my own Mental Health.

So no more dating apps until the New Year. Focusing on Cuba, work, people who I know love me and self care.

Disappointed and defeated? Let me know if you are in the same boat. What has helped you because any words of wisdom will be appreciated…?

As always, stay safe and have fun.

Labelling

Ah, the world of a giving a label. I’ve spoken with many people in my aging years about the comfort level of using the words “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” for someone they are dating. What exactly does this label mean and is there a less juvenile way to explain how a person fits into your life?

 

I’m not sure about anyone else, but after being a wife and identifying a partner as a husband, it felt super weird being addressed by any other defining term post-divorce. We are not boys and girls anymore, are we? Absolutely not. I’ve had many friends relate to this scenario because although a cancellation of an engagement, separation or divorce may have been for the best, old terminology almost feels like backslide. I was a fiancé. I was a wife. Now I’m supposed to downgrade to girlfriend?

 

I’ve done comedy about this concept. I state different ways I’ve tried to explain my serious relationship status. When someone would ask my plans for the weekend I usually responded, “My partner and I are going to have a quiet evening in.” or “My significant other is planning a date night.” People seriously started to wonder if I’d jumped teams. (Although after some of the nightmares I’ve dated, it’s crossed my mind.)

 

Okay, so if I can’t use a gender neutral term before posting couply photos on social media confirming my sexuality, now what? I could consider explaining a relationship as “dating”, but this term doesn’t particularly express a committed long term relationship. There is absolutely no adult version of a word to label a romantic companion!

 

I do not feel comfortable using the word “boyfriend.” I truly don’t. As I’ve mentioned before, the childish nature of the word seems ridiculous as a woman in a relationship with a man (or so they typically act at the start). Bitterness from past relationships aside, back in the day, people typically married in their early 20s and divorce rates were low. Why is terminology not catching up? If we can identify “Ghosting” (see blog post) or “Breadcrumbing” (see other blog post), then WTF?

 

But Paige, I’ve heard you call a dude your boyfriend. You’re right and here are the reasons why:

 

1. It’s easier to say than, “The man I’m in an exclusive relationship with.” Listen, my friends know I’m in a relationship, but strangers? Not so much. When someone is on the pursuit for my attention, a generalized statement of “I’m in a relationship” doesn’t always register as there is openness for interpretation. Sometimes its just the easy way to say “Hey, I’m taken.”

 

2. It was important to the other person. Some people NEED a label to feel fulfilled. The feeling of being in limbo during a dating period is daunting and although explained that we are in exclusively dating, sometimes calling me their “girlfriend” makes them feel more secure.

 

I do believe one thing though, if you and your partner are considering a label, you are agreeing on a commitment. This commitment isn’t anything fancy, but it’s being likeminded that you are both building toward a long term situation. You are planning to work together through the tough times or differences more so than when you are still assessing if you are a good match. Their opinions matter and they are considered in your decision making. Know what I mean?

 

A lesson from my most recent romantic escapade was I do NOT want to be identified as a “girlfriend” until I know the person is worth pursuing a long term relationship. There is no specific time line for this, but I need to have assessed how well suited someone is in my life and how I fit into theirs. Jumping too quickly on a label can make a simple parting of ways due to incompatibility more than it is. There was little to no heartbreak as it was only in the initial phases of dating.

 

Sometimes things naturally progress into a space where both people just assume the commitment and just go with the flow, but as an earlier blog post (“Asking Intentions”) explained, defining a relationship is never a terrible plan. Discussing expectations and exclusivity is important in most situations considering modern dating can be completely fucked. You don’t want to be caught in an awkward “Oh, I just thought we were having fun…” moment after introducing someone as your girl/boyfriend.

 

At the end of the day, do what makes you and your partner content. No one can tell you the appropriate way to define how you feel and what labels you choose to use. Also, congratulations on finding someone worthy of your time!

 

Until the next blog post, stay safe and have fun!

“I Like You, But…”

Of course they like you! Unless you have done something that blatantly crosses their boundaries, then they probably do not hate you. If you fucked their best friend, I think you’d deserve a little swerve though.

 

Here’s the main pondering thought though, how much do they like you? Not enough to be in a relationship with you.

 

You are getting dumped, my friend, if your beau starts with something nice and then ends with a “but…” describing why they want out.

 

Let me be clear about something, whatever excuse a person gives you as to why they want to split, they are saying “You are not what I am needing / wanting in a partner.” Breakups royally hurt and we can mull over the details until we die, but I have adopted the thought of, “Well I guess I just wasn’t the right girl for them.”

 

I had a friend recently tell me she got the “I like you, but I don’t know what I want” line. And you know what she said to me? “I know what this means. I’ve used it on guys when I didn’t want to be with them.” Amen, sister!

 

In July I got the “I don’t want to break up with you, but I don’t see a future with you” line and guess who moved on as quickly as she could? I’m not saying it didn’t hurt like a bitch, because it did, but my awareness of “He’s Just Not That Into You” helped me to not dwell on why things didn’t work out. (Highly recommend this book by Greg Behrendt. It’s one of my favorite relationship guides, but the movie is garbage and states the complete opposite ideation.)

 

Some examples of “But…”

1. …I don’t have time for a relationship.

2. …I just got out of a relationship.

3. …I can’t commit right now.

4. …I don’t want long distance.

5. …I don’t like your schedule.

6. …I am allergic to your animals.

7. …You do *blank* too much.

8. …You don’t do *blank* enough.

9. …I am about to travel the world.

10. …I’m trying to figure out myself right now.

11. …I never wanted to date you. Please stop following me.

All I hear is “I don’t want a relationship with you.” Thanks for letting me know! At least they didn’t ghost you and let you know where there mind was at, whether their reasoning was truthful or not. Take it as a gift of respect for your time and energy. Although further explanation is warranted for more extensive relationships, it’s a good start to the conversation.

I’m not going to say it’s a bad idea to self-reflect on ways you could be a better partner in the future. All of my long term AND short term relationships have helped me learn different ways to be a companion.

 

If you’re looking to end things, always remember it’s better to be classy than sassy, so just break it off quickly and complimentary to maintain your good graces overall. If they deserve a hot poker to the eye, trust me when I say it is far better to maintain your composure than give someone an excuse to call YOU “crazy”. Find your new love with your dignity intact!

 

As always, be safe and have fun!

Gym Couples (Do’s and Don’ts)

I always appreciate a solid understanding of a couple who loves the fit life. Although gym time is more of a solo adventure for me, certain workout partnerships are super awesome to see or be a part of. I love to hear of friends jumping on the lifting train because of a relationship. This always makes me smile, especially when they feel encouraged and see results.

I’m totally going the route of cheesy, but “Swollmate” status? Big fan. There are though, some moments I just want to yell “STOP” to the peeps at my gym. I’m going to go over a few of my gym couple pet peeves and corrections for the behaviour if YOU are one of “those people”.

Don’t: Complain

– People comment on resting bitch face on a regular basis, but I’m telling you right now resting whining face makes me want to slap a person. If you look constantly discontented with every exercise your partner suggests then GTFO. Please don’t make eye contact with me either because I will not reciprocate with an “Ohhhh my gawwwwd” facial expression. If the answer is always a “no” or a tiny tantrum, then just let the guy workout without you (and yes this reaction is 99% women).

*Side note… the couple that inspired this… she smiles when she is on a date as I saw them at Cactus Friday night. Totally gym related whining.*

Do: Encourage

– Acknowledging the difficulty of an exercise routine is totally acceptable, but it should be considered sexy for someone to know their way around a gym. Pushing your physical boundaries and comfort zones with a partner is encouraging and helps progress forward in your fitness. If you’re not down to try something different, then confidently do your own thing and avoid acting like a child.

Don’t: Use Equipment to Talk

– If I could put a sticker on every piece of equipment and wall of the gym I would. Unfortunately some couples get lost in each other’s eyes to the point they don’t notice others standing directly beside them trying to interrupt their gym date. I should NOT have to ask you to move. I literally timed a couple sit and chat on the leg adductor/abductor machine for over 30 minutes (thank goodness not leg day). Examples of great places to sit include: coffee shops, restaurants, couches and park benches… get my drift here?

Do: Use the Equipment to Workout

– Common sense you would assume, but hey, sense isn’t always so common anymore. Respecting the space and understanding equipment is meant to be shared with other patrons is spectacular. Keep up the good work and you won’t have to be politely told to “fuck off” by a massive muscle man or woman.

Don’t: Get Too Physical

– I’m not referring to the workout, so get that sweat or pump on, baby! Sorry not sorry, but as much as I try to mind my own business at the gym, a sweaty embrace or make out session grosses me out (and I’m a damn nurse). A kiss after every set is unnecessary. If you are able to breathe enough to toss around tongues, you aren’t working hard enough. If you are drenched in sweat and I can see it dripping, my God, please do not hug. I know you probably get a little hot while naked cuddling, but that is also typically in a private space, soooooo…

Do: Flirt/Selfie

– Cute banter? Comments on their sexiness or booty growth? Photo capturing their hotness or to show them off on social media? Win. Win. Win. It’s private, quiet and non-distracting. Letting a partner know how much you are digging their form and babe status is totally motivating for them to keep up the hard work.

Pretty short and sweet post this week, but honestly I really do encourage couples to find at least some physical activity (other than sex) to enjoy together. Seeing how hard a partner works in the gym can bring on a true appreciation of the body they are rocking, motivate you to work harder and bring you closer.

Remember the suggested etiquette and we will all be happy, unless it’s a home gym, then, by all means, use that bench for some other fun. 😉

As always, stay safe and have fun.